day 8 - 30 days of truth

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
That would have to be my ex husband. He was a sick person. He was an alcoholic and drug addict and was abusive, in every sense of the word, physical, emotional, and sexually. It was not a happy marriage. He beat me, almost on a daily basis. He treated me like shit, like a dog, most of the time. Called me stupid, and not worthy of love, and he took advantage of me sexually. It was simply not a pleasant time in my life. There were times that were good, but, for the most part, I was miserable. I know there were days when life was good, but, the bad times so outweigh the good days!

Day 7 - 30 days of truth

Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Honestly, I have to say myself. My first thought was of course, my husband, but, in reality, I think it is myself. I am the one that has to make the changes in my life to make my life worth living for. He is a wonderful addition to my life, but, we have been married for 8 years, but, my life was not living for. Not for him, my family, or myself. Now, I have a reason to live, for me, my husband and my all important family. I am worth living for, finally! I feel like I am worth living for.

Day 6 - 30 Days of Truth

Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope I never have to lose weight again… at least not hundreds of pounds. 5 pounds.. I think I can live with, but, I don't want to ever be obese again. I still have over 100 pounds to lose, but, I honestly hope that I will never be in this position again. I'll never see 400 pounds again. I am going through this now, because this is where I am supposed to be. I have tried to lose weight all of my life, now, it is finally happening. After a lifetime of misery, physical, emotional and spiritual, I am coming out of it!!

day 5 - 30 days of truth

Something you hope to do in your life.
Well this one is easy for me today! My life is right now, right here, today!!! Today, I have made a choice. Today, I have decided to start walking in the gym at the church I grew up in that is only 3 miles from my house, air conditioned (very important in Texas), heated in the winter and did I mention… only 3 miles from my house. I am going to start making better food choices, and I am going to start each day as a new day, a new time to start over, to decide to make better choices for my life, rather it be food choices, exercise choices, or any other life choice, I can make the best choice for my life. Everyday, 24 hours, one day at a time.

day 4 - 30 days of truth

I am not sure how to answer this one. I can't think of anything or anyone that I have to forgive. I am sure there are things and people out there in my life that I need to forgive, and I am hoping that the simple act of writing everyday about these truths that perhaps it will come to me. As a matter of fact, I think, just in the couple of minutes it has taken me to write this short paragraph I thought of someone that I need to forgive. Not one person in particular, but a collection of people over my lifetime. People who, for the most part doesn’t even know my name. They laughed at me, stared at me. Drove down the freeway and turn and look at me, laugh and point. All because I am fat! What did I do that was worthy of all of those things? Those people are not worthy of my time and energy. No reason to forgive the kids who stare at me, I put those kids parents at fault. They are the ones that have not taught their kids about manners. I must forgive all of those people, and all of those that are to come, because I still have over 100 pounds to lose, I am still fat, but, I am losing weight, and hopefully those stares and laughs will stop.

Day 3 - 30 days of truth

 Something you have to forgive yourself for.

So many things… I think the most important thing for me to forgive myself for is all of the times that I "fell off the wagon" in my weight loss journey… a lifetime journey. I just have to remember that I can always start over… if I make an unhealthy choice, I can always decide to start over. I only have to make it through 24 hours… even an hour at a time, that is all I have to do… just make it through the next hour!!

30 days of truth - day 2

Something you love about yourself.

Wow, I thought day one was difficult…. Now I have to come up with something I love about myself? Physical. A toss up… I have a beautiful smile, I'm told, I have very pretty eyes, and great nails!

Character. I can be a very funny person. I think my laugh is great, and I love to laugh.

Emotional. I am a very loving person, I try to be open and honest as often as possible. I can bring your emotions out. I have a very nice singing voice and have brought people to tears just by using my voice. It is quite an amazing thing to experience, and has confused me most of my life. I don't hear what everyone seems to hear, but, I do know I have a great voice.

30 Days of Truth - Day One

Day One - Something you hate about yourself.

Just one thing? That is all I get? One thing? There are so many factors, so many things.. sad really, very sad. I look forward to the day when I can say.. hate? I don’t hate anything about myself… but, alas, this is not the day for that dream. How about this.. what if I come up with one thing in three categories? Will that work? I think that is where I am going to start.. 3 categories.. physical, character, emotional.

Physical.

So, when I started this exercise, I thought, one thing.. weight. I hate that I am overweight, yes, I am doing things to correct that, but, I am in the middle of a plateau, and it is pissing me off! I know what I am doing wrong, I know what I need to do to correct the issue, but, I am not doing anything about it. I cant give up, I can’t live like this the rest of my life. I want to lose all of this weight, I want to have a great body, be so much more healthy, and just enjoy life! Finally after 46 years, I have that chance, and once again, I am feeling like I am failing. I hate being overweight and everything that goes along with that. The physical limitations, in all aspects of my life. They are everywhere.. from cleaning house (we’ll talk about this later), to exercise, to sex (yes, that is getting better, but, there are still limitations). I hate having high blood pressure that I have to control with meds, and I cannot wait to get off those meds. 
Character.
I have said this before, and I "hate" that I am saying it again, but, I am lazy. I am a HORRIBLE housekeeper. I couldn't keep my room clean as a kid! I couldn’t keep a clean house when I was married to my first husband, and guess what? I still can't keep a clean house! I have a horrible case of CHAOS! Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome!, and I HATE it!!! Absolutely hate it!

Emotional.
I can become incredibly angry, incredibly quickly!!! Over nothing…and over some of the most mundane things. Nothing more I want to say about this.. Don’t have to fix it right now, just, I think, admit it!

Trying to figure this out!

Ok, so the last time I tried this, I typed my blog into my journal, copied it, and attempted to paste it in the new post section and it would not take it!!! What did I do wrong? Can i not do this? If that is the case, I will keep my other blog, and get rid of this one :( I really like this blog, with one little exception... if I cannot write in my journal, and then paste here.. what is the point? Help me someone please?